When I think of the word growing my first thought goes out to my garden and all the things blooming right now. It is spring time and that is a natural thought I think. I love to garden and that is one spot where I always think a little more clearly. There is nothing like fresh air and digging in the dirt to make my mind wander.
I also think about growing in relationship to my growth. For so many years I was stuck. I was locked up into a situation which I did not cause and could not change but I didn’t remember that I had the key to letting myself out and letting go.
I have a lot of faith but I forgot to keep it warm and running at all times. After all if you have a vehicle as powerful as Faith to move you up and forward you have to keep it going. I was locked up for a long time, but I refuse to see them as wasted years. Everyone is different and grieves, hurts and heals in their own time frame. There is a very basic reason for this and it is because everyone is different. No one is right or wrong it is just what it is.
Now I managed to step outside the walls and do many good things and participate in life in a good way on the most part. Oh yes there were lots of mistakes and a lot of missed steps but a lot of good also. But there were always the outer walls that I kept myself in. There were the walls that others didn’t see, other walls that I couldn’t climb or go around or move. Obviously I wasn’t keeping my vehicle running well. That is not living a full life.
As much faith as I had I had more fear. That fear stopped the growing. It would let me take a step forward but just as a tease. Then a new wall would appear. Fear is a powerful, mean and painful force to deal with. People don’t realize how strong of a power it is. It can overtake you life completely if you don’t hold on tight. I am stronger than I realize but sometimes not strong enough so those where the times fear took its hold and pulled me back just as I would go for the next step.
Fear and I had locked heads again for awhile and illness came in to help fear because for once I was starting to win. Well illness didn’t realize that that only made me mad, more determined and stronger. So for now fear has been pushed back as I take steps forward. I feel confident this time I will get to higher ground. I feel that this time I can fight back more because I had a tune-up on my vehicle. Faith and an open mind for growth is what I hold on to so I will grow up and out of that fear. I want to step outside the walls and am determined that I can.
I am growing and will continue to do so because that is what keeps us going! And I most certainly will take better care of my vehicle, Faith, to help me stay strong.